a prayer

Dear Lord,

I am sorry.

I'm sorry for the way I want to pull you closer, but I push you away instead. I'm sorry for the times I choose my desires over you.

I'm sorry for the way I give my love and rely on myself. How I rely on others. I'm sorry that I do that.

Because You are my strength, my Rock. You are.

But I forget that and I rely on the world of man.

I'm a foolish little girl who is still learning. Who keeps relearning things I thought I already learnt.

And that tires me out. I rely on myself to remember. I rely on myself. Me, me, me. And I get so stinking tired. I get tired of everything. Loving, kindness, friends, laughing. I get tired of it all. It starts to weigh heavy on my shoulders.

Rest is what I need.

It's what my soul has been aching for.

I foolishly mistake it for sleeping. For physical rest.

But no.

It's the rest in You. The rest that comes from You.

It is not me, me, me.

It's You.

I'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry

The Lord did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. 

(Deuternomy 7:7)

Amen.