why

i don't understand

why am i finding these things?

these hidden secrets. 

hidden pasts. 

but, they aren't good.

i'm confused. 

what do i do?

i'm not searching for them

i don't want them

please, tell me why.

why am i finding these things?

i can't help them,

i can only surrender.

i can only pretend as if i didn't

find them.

please, 

don't let me be the one

to tell them it's wrong.

they already know that.

they'll just hate me. 

they'll just hide behind more lies

and dirty sins.

i don't understand.

what am i to do?

because i can't hate them

even knowing what they're like.

because i've seen the good side.

i've heard them tell me things

they wouldn't tell the devil.

and oh, no i don't laugh at them.

i accept it.

but i reject the sin.

i reject the bad side.

it's so hard to.

i love them.

they make me laugh so much.

my life feels just right around them

with their dorky smiles

and their hilarious jokes. 

because they show me the good side.

they show me the side i don't usually see.

but then they leave.

and their dirty sins leave a trail

behind them. 

i'm left to see

what it has done to them.

and what it is doing.

why me, O God?

i don't understand.

i don't want to see their secrets.

it hurts too much.

because i loved them

before i even knew that.

and i still love them.

but it's harder to look them in the eye. 

i don't understand. 

perhaps all i am left here to do

is to speak for You,

to love the unloved,

and to pray for them.

because they don't know how to do that

themselves.