the things in my hands

 

I laugh hard, holding the things given to me in my hands
Small things
Comfortable things
I cherish them deeply in my heart,
Storing them in the treasure chest I was just beginning to fill
My eyes are tired and my legs are weak
I look in the mirror and see myself in an over-sized shirt
My hair is sticking out in all places
I feel my chest rising and falling with each breath
I stare into those weary eyes --
And almost laugh.
Almost
Because I feel awful and my future isn't too bright
I'm afraid of so many things and I know that I am not trusting enough
I do not have enough faith, I do not have enough grace
I am not kind enough, I am not as merciful as I should be
I look down into my hands, at the things in them
Small things
Comfortable things
With a sad smile, I hold onto them for a bit longer
It's been awhile since I've been this comfortable
Since I've loved something so effortlessly
I think about my future and what is to come
I already know the things ahead are going to be hard
And I wouldn't change that -- I wouldn't
But for now, I just sit in the afternoon sun and soak it up
Soak up the warmth and the love and the simpleness
Because it'll be gone so soon
So soon.
I'm afraid of the future, so afraid
But I'm learning to rest in hope and in trust
My faith is being built one small pebble at a time
It's all as it should be