i lost you

via

i lost you.

just like the time i ran down the sidewalk and my shoe came off. like the time i set something aside, but i could never find it again. like the memory i can't recollect, but i see your eyes and i know something is wrong.

you gave up on me. left me by your door and walked away like you didn't remember my name.

i watched the sunset in the sideview mirror and the car lights blurred behind. the sky ahead with the dark blue that leaks from your soul. this heart loses a little more hope every time i see your face. this heart aches a little more with every step. turning the color of that beaten sky.

maybe we'll never get it back. and maybe that's okay.

(but that's just it. i don't want that to be okay. i'm afraid of losing things and gaining nothing.)

\

old friend

my old friend.

these days make no sense,

but i have understood more about you now

 than i ever have.

i remember the last day i saw you.

you were in my prayer group, and i hid behind sideways glances,

and a heart scared to trust again.

your eyes were sad,

and your words broke my heart. divorced parents. moving. changing.

i'm sorry. and i also forgive you.

we were young then.

and we were older on that last day...even more so now.

time changes.

i love you.

even though things have changed, they have never more 

been the same.

miss you.

so much that those words don't even cut it.

x

bumped into each other

back home under the city lights and the mountain silhouettes. we bumped into each other, and i almost forgot, but the memory now tells me of sadness in those eyes and the fact that i looked back. i have to laugh because i've wondered what you've been going through for a long time and i still don't have a clue. 

the Gardener had plowed through this part of the garden. picking weeds. turning the dirt. getting it under his fingernails and whistling tunes into the morning silence. even the birds sat still to listen. it had taken awhile. 

but do you see this little sapling?

it's His love growing in the garden of my heart. sprouting in the presence of the master Gardener. 

last night i stopped in my tracks and talked to Him about you. about the little boy who had lost his way. i told Him that it's okay if i never see you again, but that i only want you to love the Lord and to know that He loves you. 

we have a long ways to go. i hope one day you're brave enough to say hello again. 

laughing forever,

the girl who keeps coming back

p.s. psalm 107:8-9. 

i counted the stars

via tumblr

i counted the stars that mountain night.

traced your name along the small dipper,

thinking about your eyes and the light.

(stuck in forgotten things.)

i wanted to sit down beside the road

and talk to God until the moon slept.

in that crazy wind, everything slowed.

(i couldn't stop laughing.)

i wrote a letter to you last night.

you'll never read it, i know,

but it made my heart more light.

(we'll be okay.)

lolz i should be doing school.