via

she paused and took in a breath,
considering her next words.

"he was there,
in the freedom of the waves.
seeking the crest of each wave
to let it crash against his body.
embracing the infinite."

she laughed, thinking back on it.

"embracing the infinite."

all photos in this post via

you spin and you turn
surrounded by colors cascading around
the waves are relentless
laughing as they hit the shore

the mountains are enveloped
in bursting hues and songs

chaotic?

most definitely
but life gets boring
without a little adventure

bring it on, august. 

spinning in black holes of color beams,

spinning until these planets of darkness break at the seam.

stop.

let me sit here for awhile,

i promise i'll make it worthwhile,

i've got a pen filled with black ink

i'll fill this paper with things to make you think.

just let me sit here for awhile,

and i promise that i'll...

i'll make it worthwhile.

for my eyes are tired

and i think my brain is wired.

i'm growing sick from spinning

in repeated and repeated circles.

i'm tired of going nonstop.

let's just listen and let the controls drop.

the noise has become too loud.

and i feel like i'm in a crowd.

let us stop until the noise overheats

and the universe falls into silence. 

and i'll sit here, 

writing a lullaby, dear.

until the first star appears.

all photos in this post via tumblr.

i always thought short hellos made the goodbye easier.
and then you left without saying hello
somehow that hurt worse.

a glorious mess.

another rip in her soul,

another thread unraveling. 

afraid of change.

afraid of losing.

because...

this was her home.

she grew up here. 

and to move to a new place --

even one that they built --

that would unravel her entirely.

she didn't understand their eagerness

or their excitement

to be so close to moving

and losing this place.

the planets and stars watched

as her core ruptured

and started to fall apart.

stars fell out of the cracks like tears

and dust and dirt fell into space

creating nebulas.

it was the destruction.

it was her loss.

it was a glorious mess.

but it was also a new start.

and that was hard to grasp. 

campfire

the fire licks up flames into the air
embers and ash chasing after each other.

the light is dimming and the night is turning
into a gray-blueish color --
only described by the feeling of the cold coming.

i sit in peace.
the peace of the mountains that have rushing rivers.
the mountains that hold the wonders of elk and deer and moose.
mountain air and mountain feet.

and i laugh and i love
i look for you around the campfire
before realizing that you aren't there.
these are different people.
it's peaceful.

but not the peace i want.

because you are there and i am here.
it isn't the same.

the peace in the chaos of a group of people all talking at once.
that's what i want.
i've grown used to it.
i need my campfire buddies back.

8.1.2015

my soul had forgotten.

her.

her words, her fears,

her love, her pain.

i had forgotten.

an envelope with my name on it

sitting on the brown table.

the wooden table full of memories.

waiting.

there was no return address.

but things like that?

you recognize handwriting.

her handwriting.

papers full of words.

words that were made from ink

from a pen.

from her heart. 

my eyes had forgotten.

listen.

read.

feel.

it's okay to forget,

just don't forget to remember.

lies

I'm afraid of lots of things. Being alone in the dark, being left behind and forgotten, fights, and so much more.

I'm afraid of people reading what I write.

Because, what if they don't like it? What if it is so horrible it lowers their opinion of me?

Fear. Lies. Because fear only comes from lies, right? The lie that I'll never be good enough. The lie that someday I will be. The lie that I'm a failure and that no one will ever like me.

Traced back to lies.

back to lies.