frozen

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cold falls upon me as i sleep,
and i realize that nightmares are a type of hypothermia.
the rain froze and turned to snow.
sleep leaves and i am left curling up
underneath the blanket.

it is morning and i greet it with a laugh,
light is warmth to my heart if not the wind.
but as soon as night falls,
i am too exhausted for laughter.
my lamp on in the room,
and frost covering the windows.

there is love left in me still

though i may not feel it now

air is caught up in my lungs

i manage a breath

today i realized i am an in between

in between having a home and losing it

in between missing you and running away

in between loving and resenting

there are twos to everything

and i am 

one of them

my veins are clogged with ice,

and my body is tired with

the weight

of warming my blood enough

to wash it away.

.c.d.

still

via pinterest

via pinterest

the sea laps against the shore outside, foamed with forgotten things. the window twists the sun into comforting patterns. i seek for bitterness left in my heart,

but i can't even find crumbs. 

time sits with me, and it is slow. the day does not pass as quickly as i want it to. my mind is too distraught to do anything else, and too lonely to be left alone.

still, we are, only the ticking of the clock heard throughout the house. i yawn and my bare feet are silent on the ground. there is nothing to find, but still i go. books cannot hold my attention and i am not in the mood for screens. 

i grab a glass of milk, and sit again. i do not know how to describe the passing time because it goes by so slowly that even minutes seem longer than anything else. my mind drifts to you. there is no resentment there. i am okay. 

memories tell me that i would be miserable, and i can't help but laugh. because i am not miserable, but a little disappointed. not too much. like the smallness of expecting a letter and finding none in the mailbox. 

no more doubts. no more mulling. it is time for me to move on and find something to do. the hours have passed, not a thing done. i understand a little more about love. 

- c.d/b.

day person

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i stretch to touch the morning,
eyes gleaming with deep blue.
rice cooks on the stove and i hear my father,
an early-riser with wrinkles around his eyes,
setting the table.

i lie under my blankets,
just thinking.
the birds outside tell each other good morning,
and i listen in.

love settles in my heart deeper than ever before.
i am soaking under the weight of it.

the day always suited me better than the night.