smooth skies.

via

let's stare into each other's eyes.

because, honey, yours are like the midnight sky
and i'm lost in the stars.

i'd become an astronaut to explore those galaxies
and still find each piece with lovely faults.
you always were a quiet imperfection.

i think i'm a night owl.
i always loved the color of the night.
the sun always left a piece of art when she left.

i could go to an art museum,
but you would always hold my favorite place.
don't doubt it.

p.s. i wish i had a boyfriend to use pickup lines on, peaches. i wish. *dies laughing* 

a poem to the trees

pinterest creds

there are things i dream --

i'd laugh harder than i ever would,

i'd find that it isn't as hard as it is,

i'd make it out alive

there are things i dream

but that is all they are -- dreams

they are just slivers of great things

just slivers

i'd imagine if i was in space

with those blasting glorious planets

with the stars up close, almost able to touch them

i'd realize how small i am

and oh my, oh my

i'd realize how big our Creator is

how majestic and unfathomable 

beyond my imagination

beyond my dreams

and maybe, just maybe

my pride would slip away

and i'd allow Him to do greater things

because He is more than just slivers of great things

He is. 

throw me

by bella foster

throw me wild and fearless into the cold biting air
because i cannot stay here
i cannot gather the dust of your words and actions
it's too hot in here so open the window
throw me wild and fearless now
into that big, dark blue sky with stars you can barely see
the pollution of who you are has blinded your vision
i cannot stay here where i cannot see
throw me wild and fearless into the silent sky
because i'd rather be broken and clean
than dusty and new

| you knew all along | 

Love

by Jean Jullien

Love tramples through the forests of our hearts
A wake of flowers in its footprints
We run after Love, watching where it's going --
Seeing if we can possibly divert it if it gets too far in
For we are afraid that if it sees the dark caverns of our souls,
It will leave us breathless and bare
They say love is a risk and you believed them
But did they never tell you not loving was an even bigger risk?
Because locking Love up in a cage
Where it cannot laugh and run free
Turns your whole heart into swamps of bitter dark
So let Love run wild in our hearts!
Expose the darkness so that it becomes visible
And all that is visible becomes light
Love stripping the layers of dirt off our old and tired secrets
Wake up, sleeper, Love whispers, rise from the dead and Christ will shine on you. 

// ephesians 5:8-14 //

promises

Promises.

They are what I treasure more than some things

I store them up in my heart and hold them gently

But you?

You throw that word around aimlessly.

As if it is just another word

As if you don't care 

As if it doesn't mean a thing

And oh, how I wish I could catch those promises.

How I wish, how I wish you wouldn't take that precious piece as if it was just another thing.

I'd write you letters and I'd whisper you the reasons why

Promises are meant for honesty and trust

But I am not strong enough

I couldn't hold myself together long enough to get the words out

But if I had enough courage to tell you one thing,

I'd tell you,

Don't make another promise again

until you understand it and until

you

can 

keep 

it.

Because promises mean more to me than most things.

And I cannot let them be thrown around and battered.

Especially by you.

| unwritten letters |

The wind blows

The wind blows.

The trees stretch their arms in the cold night
Reaching for the lullabies the stars sing

I look to the moon
And see
Her silver teardrops slowly slide off
Touching the sapphire sky gently

I weep with her
I weep over the lullabies
Over the time that has gone away
Over the lost whispers that find the wind

She tells me I must go
The sun is to rise and I must go with him
I must leave the cold shadows
And the dying grass and the
Silence and sadness of the darkness

I nod and wipe the snot from my nose
And the saltwater tears from my eyes
I must go
She laughs gently and lifts my face in her hands
She tells me it is okay to let the tears fall
For you must express your heart somehow

And now, as I step out into the sunlight,
The warmth I hardly remember is quiet
The sun envelopes the moon in a hug,
Grinning from ear to ear
And tells her the tales of the summer seas

As we leave, I see the moon sinking away
Though she wouldn't know it,
I left a part of my heart there
For I couldn't say goodbye and stay whole

| poems to the night |

the wall

the wall is strung together with the smallest thread
i trace lines to each other and they are in between and lost
but in every line is a thousand memories --
the time someone made them laugh so hard that spaghetti was coming out of their nose;
the quiet sunrise that reminded them that life was something more;
splatters of green, blue, and yellow paint on their favorite pants;
when they sobbed over the death of a chipmunk they accidentally ran over on the highway;
when they heard their favorite song on the radio and their best friend was there;
the time they said the wrong things and how much they wish they could change it --
the wall is strung together with the smallest thread
and there is not a space left unfilled in the wall
the thread glows with dreams and regrets and little things loved
and my heart glows within me of a yearning for all of it and something greater
the adventure of the deep forest trees, the snow-topped mountains,
the fearless rushing rivers running wild far and gone
and to be a woman after God's own heart

the things in my hands

 

I laugh hard, holding the things given to me in my hands
Small things
Comfortable things
I cherish them deeply in my heart,
Storing them in the treasure chest I was just beginning to fill
My eyes are tired and my legs are weak
I look in the mirror and see myself in an over-sized shirt
My hair is sticking out in all places
I feel my chest rising and falling with each breath
I stare into those weary eyes --
And almost laugh.
Almost
Because I feel awful and my future isn't too bright
I'm afraid of so many things and I know that I am not trusting enough
I do not have enough faith, I do not have enough grace
I am not kind enough, I am not as merciful as I should be
I look down into my hands, at the things in them
Small things
Comfortable things
With a sad smile, I hold onto them for a bit longer
It's been awhile since I've been this comfortable
Since I've loved something so effortlessly
I think about my future and what is to come
I already know the things ahead are going to be hard
And I wouldn't change that -- I wouldn't
But for now, I just sit in the afternoon sun and soak it up
Soak up the warmth and the love and the simpleness
Because it'll be gone so soon
So soon.
I'm afraid of the future, so afraid
But I'm learning to rest in hope and in trust
My faith is being built one small pebble at a time
It's all as it should be

everything but.

my fingertips tremble with fear and confusion
i turn from the thing i'm scared of --
but not because i'm brave
not because i'm brave

but because i'm everything but.

i just pretend i'm turning to look at something,
but i know the truth
and it's undoing the seams of my steadiness
i'm afraid i'm afraid i'm afraid

i find that with every corner i take,
every where i look
it's hiding behind the curtains
and in the green hedges

and in the things i dearly love.

i'm afraid and i don't know what to do

october & me

and with every huff that October threw,
i found myself inhaling with pain.

the trees refused to turn yellow,
refused to let go and just be.

and i realized that it was
just the same with me.

it's hard to change and release
the things you just got to know.

it'll never be the same,
October said to me.

and we both sighed and creaked
in the coming winter signs.

to love and to let go.

I fell in love with the idea of you.

The idea of something beyond truth,
beyond reality.

But oh, what I think I loved most
was that I could let you go.

To love and to let go.

That's something I could get used to.

xx i wish the best for you. 

Untitled

I'm a street-sweeper
a collector of things thrown away
lost seconds of bravery
rivers of unspent tears
old paper worn by weather

and pinky promises. 

But still through all of that
I'm so scared of losing you
in that mess.

|| the words in my journal ||

you were once a tree.

You once were a tree,

standing tall and proud.

Green and fierce,

strong against the wind that howled.

Innocent and fearless,

anything but broken.

You once held pure laughter in your eyes,

and your heart was red and beating.

Nothing stood in your way,

a sapling yet to behold glory.

A young soul,

a good soul.

I don't know how it started,

or when. 

But poison seeped in,

down to those fresh, brown roots.

Leaves turned bitter,

and your apples bore worms.

Blackness poured out of your

bark, the grass beneath you withered.

And with every thing that ran

through my veins,

I didn't want to believe it.

Too young, too innocent.

But we all know that was wrong.

You can never be too young.

Innocence fades as the world dawns.

So you chose your path.

With the world, with the world.

And you laughed, your voice

scratching against my ears.

You looked upon me 

as if I was the foolish one.

You once were a tree,

ready to grow in the sunlight.

Ready to accept the storms

and to grasp onto hope.

But now you are a tree

withering with poisoned roots,

thinking you're as healthy as can be.

How wrong you are. 

i hold it in my hand...

i hold it in my hand, 
staring down at it.

it
crumbles. 

the world doesn't stop, 
and i am still breathing. 

i suppose i expected this.
i knew this would happen.

but there was just a silver of hope hiding in my soul,
yearning for something more.



i cannot grasp it.

messy

She was a messy girl.

Her words were thrown across paper

In messy handwriting. 

Her hair was thrown up in a bun,

With hands covered in messy splatters of paint.

Her heart was thrown around in pieces,

And her soul covered with messy love.

She was a messy girl,

Because plain things scared her.

fragile words

i don't need to have my words thrown across the world,
for all to behold and gasp in wonder.
i don't need fame and fortune and to be held in high honor.

but really, all i need, is for you to read my words,
and store them away someplace safe.
because they are fragile and only made for whispers
and soft breezes on hard days.

keep 'em safe, dear.

in circles

and the world before my eyes was spinning in circles,
in circles, in circles.

i was crumbling hard, but i spun faster in circles,
in circles, in circles.

words stumbled out of my mouth,
and i could hardly keep the tears from tumbling out.
a goodbye trembled on my tongue,
and fell out into ruins, into ruins.

the waves came graceful and relentless,
taking collisions of sounds away.

until i was left with smoldering flames of
"i miss you"s and "i love you"s.

A Letter to September

dear September,

you have hit me hard.

I'm not quite sure what I mean by that. 

Perhaps I've been in a flurry of busyness and turning and finding and falling. You've hit me in the chest and all my breath has escaped from my grasp.

Time keeps going and going, and I feel like I am falling behind. 

But, I find that it's okay.

I'm not upset, I'm not in a hurry, I'm not lost. 

I'm in-between flying and being stuck on the ground. 

I can touch the stars with my fingertips, but I cannot hold onto them. My feet brush against the red dirt upon the ground, but not quite buried in it. 

Oh, September, how I finally understand you. You aren't quite in Autumn, you aren't quite in Spring. A little of both, I suppose. Pieces of both tucked into a coat pocket. 

And we're both okay with it.

With love,
Candence 

9.11.2015

it was a faint smell, 

but i recognized it.

the smell of campfire smoke

that sinks into

e v e r y 

l i t t l e

t h i n g

it touches.

it broke me right then,

when i realized it.

the smell of a million memories

buried deep in my roots.

something i couldn't escape,

even if i wanted to.

it was a part of me,

wrapping itself around my heart,

rejoicing in every heart beat.

just seeping into my bones,

as a river flows through the mountains.

blue skies that burn themselves into your memory,

the heavy, fresh dirt that sinks into your shoes.

it was just a smell,

but even those can be powerful. 

i hardly understand you anymore

via

i hardly understand you anymore

i don't know if you decided i wasn't worth it

or if you thought you weren't worth it

you're searching for a place,

and you say you're not,

but maybe because you haven't found it yet.

i hardly understand you anymore

and it's breaking my heart

because i saw you growing

but now you're withering

you leaving.

i don't know why.

it hurts.

you never even said goodbye.

and i'll never understand why i loved you

but...maybe it was because you needed someone too.

goodbye, tired boy.

i'll miss you.

xx

via

she paused and took in a breath,
considering her next words.

"he was there,
in the freedom of the waves.
seeking the crest of each wave
to let it crash against his body.
embracing the infinite."

she laughed, thinking back on it.

"embracing the infinite."

all photos in this post via

you spin and you turn
surrounded by colors cascading around
the waves are relentless
laughing as they hit the shore

the mountains are enveloped
in bursting hues and songs

chaotic?

most definitely
but life gets boring
without a little adventure

bring it on, august. 

spinning in black holes of color beams,

spinning until these planets of darkness break at the seam.

stop.

let me sit here for awhile,

i promise i'll make it worthwhile,

i've got a pen filled with black ink

i'll fill this paper with things to make you think.

just let me sit here for awhile,

and i promise that i'll...

i'll make it worthwhile.

for my eyes are tired

and i think my brain is wired.

i'm growing sick from spinning

in repeated and repeated circles.

i'm tired of going nonstop.

let's just listen and let the controls drop.

the noise has become too loud.

and i feel like i'm in a crowd.

let us stop until the noise overheats

and the universe falls into silence. 

and i'll sit here, 

writing a lullaby, dear.

until the first star appears.

all photos in this post via tumblr.

i always thought short hellos made the goodbye easier.
and then you left without saying hello
somehow that hurt worse.

a glorious mess.

another rip in her soul,

another thread unraveling. 

afraid of change.

afraid of losing.

because...

this was her home.

she grew up here. 

and to move to a new place --

even one that they built --

that would unravel her entirely.

she didn't understand their eagerness

or their excitement

to be so close to moving

and losing this place.

the planets and stars watched

as her core ruptured

and started to fall apart.

stars fell out of the cracks like tears

and dust and dirt fell into space

creating nebulas.

it was the destruction.

it was her loss.

it was a glorious mess.

but it was also a new start.

and that was hard to grasp. 

campfire

the fire licks up flames into the air
embers and ash chasing after each other.

the light is dimming and the night is turning
into a gray-blueish color --
only described by the feeling of the cold coming.

i sit in peace.
the peace of the mountains that have rushing rivers.
the mountains that hold the wonders of elk and deer and moose.
mountain air and mountain feet.

and i laugh and i love
i look for you around the campfire
before realizing that you aren't there.
these are different people.
it's peaceful.

but not the peace i want.

because you are there and i am here.
it isn't the same.

the peace in the chaos of a group of people all talking at once.
that's what i want.
i've grown used to it.
i need my campfire buddies back.

8.1.2015

my soul had forgotten.

her.

her words, her fears,

her love, her pain.

i had forgotten.

an envelope with my name on it

sitting on the brown table.

the wooden table full of memories.

waiting.

there was no return address.

but things like that?

you recognize handwriting.

her handwriting.

papers full of words.

words that were made from ink

from a pen.

from her heart. 

my eyes had forgotten.

listen.

read.

feel.

it's okay to forget,

just don't forget to remember.

lies

I'm afraid of lots of things. Being alone in the dark, being left behind and forgotten, fights, and so much more.

I'm afraid of people reading what I write.

Because, what if they don't like it? What if it is so horrible it lowers their opinion of me?

Fear. Lies. Because fear only comes from lies, right? The lie that I'll never be good enough. The lie that someday I will be. The lie that I'm a failure and that no one will ever like me.

Traced back to lies.

back to lies.

fireworks

the fireworks lit up the sky

causing the world to look towards them

oh, how bright. 

but my eyes were drawn to the clouds

the puffs of smoke being left behind

little wisps of what once was

the gasps of little children find their way to my ears

and i laugh with them

untouched by the darkness of the world

for now, at least

the voices and words of the people surrounding me

"why do they have to scream?!?"

"it's just fireworks. ugh."

they have forgotten 

how they have forgotten

and stolen

the dreams of little children

gasp and laugh and believe 

keep on, please

don't listen to their words

don't open your ears to their lies

let these fireworks wash over your soul

be amazed at how big and loud they sound

and how small you are

don't expect more out of this world,

little child,

because it doesn't hold what they're looking for.

look to the Lord

and hold and grasp and believe in Him. 

A Letter to my Boys

to you crazy boys. 

there have been surrender letters. there have been words spoken from other people and written on your shirt.

but today, i write a letter to you. one that you will probably never see or hear of.

-

i don't think i realized how much i loved you all until recently. yeah, sure, you can be dumb. you can say the wrong things and hurt each other and just run the wrong way.

it's funny because i've seen you also offer food to the hungry, ask what's wrong, and sing to the Lord. you've let a piece of you slip and show.

that's how i know there's still hope for you.

that's how i know that God has you.

some days i think i've lost you. some days i can't even bear thinking about you. it hurts too much to watch you sink in that sea.

especially when you say that you don't need help.

it's hard for me to surrender you. oh, how hard it is, i know i can't save you, but a part of me wants to. i want to see your eyes shine with the joy of the Lord and not under the pressure of it all.

i know you're too far gone for me to save you. in fact, i could never save you.

so i'm surrendering you, oh my boys.

because there is hope. i have seen it. you have felt it.

He has you now.

i love you.

don't die.

thanks.

signed,
me.

a prayer

Dear Lord,

I am sorry.

I'm sorry for the way I want to pull you closer, but I push you away instead. I'm sorry for the times I choose my desires over you.

I'm sorry for the way I give my love and rely on myself. How I rely on others. I'm sorry that I do that.

Because You are my strength, my Rock. You are.

But I forget that and I rely on the world of man.

I'm a foolish little girl who is still learning. Who keeps relearning things I thought I already learnt.

And that tires me out. I rely on myself to remember. I rely on myself. Me, me, me. And I get so stinking tired. I get tired of everything. Loving, kindness, friends, laughing. I get tired of it all. It starts to weigh heavy on my shoulders.

Rest is what I need.

It's what my soul has been aching for.

I foolishly mistake it for sleeping. For physical rest.

But no.

It's the rest in You. The rest that comes from You.

It is not me, me, me.

It's You.

I'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry

The Lord did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. 

(Deuternomy 7:7)

Amen.

6.30.2015

"you felt tired," 

she spoke.

i stopped. 

because i think i was

i think i am

tired of goodbyes

tired of hellos

tired of always leaving

always going

tired of the same words,

repeated over and over

of lost words and

the rewritten ones

of being left out

of being lied to

of being the last one

tired of needing strength

needing to move and live

each day

of forgetting how to love

tired of the past

and of the future

and of the in-betweens

and so much more

6.29.2015

and the trees cried

while the wind howled

and the grass sighed

while the sky fell

Come back to me,

ye of little faith.

Come back.

If you seek Me,

you will find Me.

I am not lost,

but you are.

Seek Me, find Me, 

ye of little faith. 

a boy

i remember the boy who walked away

his face used to light up with jokes

he'd grin and laugh and stare into your soul

he'd know if you were sad

and he would try

oh, he would try

to change that

to make you laugh until your stomach hurt

because that was what he was lacking

he gave what he didn't have

and when it didn't work,

when it didn't work

he walked away

he went

slowly at first

backing up, getting ready to go

and he knew it

oh, he knew it 

as he got further,

he could hear people calling him back

so he clamped his hands over his ears

and let his legs pump

and feet hit the ground hard

and he left

6.23.2015

somedays

i get the sinking feeling in my chest

telling me that you don't miss me

that you are doing just fine

without me

and,

i suppose,

a part of that is true

you don't really need me

you'd do just fine,

in all honesty

and it hurts

oh how it hurts

but then,

on the other hand,

there are days when i see your face light up

happiness brighter than the sun

because we are together

together, together

and when we leave

each other

i think that we're torn apart

but every time

that we get back together

our bonds grow stronger

and yes, 

it hurts even more to leave then

but oh, 

it makes the times together even more special

maybe God's preparing our hearts

and our souls and minds

for the infinity we'll spend with each other

and with Him

her words

 

she told me that i could do it

but i didn't believe her then

oh, i didn't

because what was i

but a lowly prince

worse than a peasant

but expected to be a king

i was worth less 

than everyone thought i was

worth less than a prince

worth less than a peasant

worth less than a measly coin

but still

she looked me sternly

in the eyes

and said,

"You can do it.

I believe in you."

and my entire world fell

p

i

 e

   c

     e

b   

y       

p

i        

e   

   c

e

oh

oh you precious sky

oh you precious ocean

come back to me soon

oh my night sky

oh my night home

don't disappear on me

oh my city lights

oh you are never resting

lead the way

oh you rocky earth

 oh you roaring river

 don't die on me

oh my space home

 oh where have you gone

 come back to me soon